Tales From the Roadside Pt.4
Chasing Oblivion (First published Mid 2001)
What a strange and somewhat tragic world we have lived in this week.
In the UK, our all seeing, all knowing house of old fudgers* (The Lords) have refused to lower the age of consent for gay men. Nothing unusual there, as this is the third time in two years that they have reached this decision.
Tragedy in a rail tunnel in Kaprun, Austria. 155 dead and no obvious reason for a 'fire proof' train to burst into flames.
In Florida, one or other of the potential rulers of the universe has refused a hand recount of all six million votes. Who really cares that much?
And worst of all, in Lancashire, the BOY RACERS* have been out in force, chasing oblivion.
The BOY RACERS are one of the major annoyances in my life. For those who are not familiar with the phrase, boy racers are, on the whole, little boys aged from 17 to 35. To become one you will need the following equipment:-
1) A tatty little car, with a big engine (preferably not worth more than about $150).
2) Some orange and yellow paints to put stripes and flames down the sides.
3) Half a dozen exhaust pipes with holes drilled in them (for maximum acoustic effect).
4) Headlamps, driving lamps, fog lamps and some fairy lights.
5) $20000 worth of music equipment.
6) Six moronic friends and no brain.
7) Some kind of lubricant in order to get you all into the vehicle.
You can usually spot them on the street, if only briefly, by the above list and because of the speed at which they travel.
Now I don't have a problem with people having a personal death wish, we all have our own choices to make. But as I lie in bed at night and hear them tear past at the speed of sound, it does make me wonder if there could be other ways for them to die without putting others at risk. The one consolation is that the gun laws are so strict over here, because...
So I lay there composing the following list, of alternative activities:-
1) Base jumping without a parachute, no one else gets hurt and the clean up involves a hose.
2) White water rafting without a raft, no one else gets hurt and the fish do the clean up.
3) Turn them into crash barriers for the Indy 500, no one else gets hurt and the clean up involves a hose.
4) Crash test dummies, no one else gets hurt and the clean up involves a hose.
5) Stretch them out so they can be those things that cause fighters to stop suddenly on aircraft carriers, no one else gets hurt and the clean up involves a hose and fish.
Is a theme developing here? Oh well, I can only dream of alternative ways of Chasing Oblivion.
Glossary of terms:
*Fudger (n), a career choice that involves having no contact with the outside world including having no knowledge of popular music and the roundness of the world.
Boy Racer (n), medical complaint where the sufferer is born with a skull full of testosterone, but nothing between the ears or legs.
Idiot (n), the sort of person (normally Boy Racers) who pay $150 for a motor vehicle and then have to find $25000 for the sound system and $2000 for their annual motor insurance.
Complete Idiot (n), the sort of person who climbs into a vehicle, driven by an Idiot.
